Onigiriman

For the past year and a half, there has been a steady stream of J-doramas focusing on special police forces and terrorism: Special Police, Koushounin, Kiina, Bloody Monday, BOSS, Mr. Brain. They were interesting at first, but they started to get into a rut. By the time they got to Mr. Brain with KimuTaku of SMAP fame, I was getting tired of all their tech gadgets and super intelligent heroes. This summer season, they have another one. Karei naru spy 華麗なるスパイ--The Splendid Spy.

It stars Nagase Tomoya's, but that's not what makes it interesting--although M will watch anything he's in. It's actually a spoof of the spy genre. It has all this funky music from old spy movies, some of it sounding like James Bond background music. There's also the riff of the bongo drums when the tension is high (like Mission Impossible), and the opening theme sounds like something straight out of a 60s Japanese gangster flick with a steel guitar playing in pseudo-Hawaiian mode and the sound of bullets firing--pthew!--every time an actor's name appears on the screen, a la I Spy.

The main character, Yoroi Kyousuke (Nagase), is a convicted con artist, but his government calls on him to help the badly dressed special terrorism force--well except for Dorothy played by the always delectable Fukada Kyouko--fight terrorism across Japan, especially against Mr. Takumi (Mr. Scheming), who has oily black hair and a short comb-tooth moustache like Hitler. Hmmm. He even wears a khaki shirt. On his first day, Kyousuke wakes up to the ring of the phone and is surprised to find that the phone is in the sole of a shoe--sound familiar, Chief? Then he goes to the office but first needs to step into a locker that promptly drops through the floor, hits the bottom, after which he enters a hallway with sliding double doors in which, of course, he gets his foot stuck--Missed it by that much. As you might imagine, I am paying attention as to not miss any references to the spy genre.

The first episode centers on a lackey of Mr. Takumi who attempts to kidnap the Prime Ministers grand daughter, played by Inoue Mao, and Kyousuke's con-artist talents help rescue her. But this is when I begin to think that this 90 minute first episode should have been edited more aggressively: The last half hour dragged out a just bit too long. There were were some funny jokes, but the pace slowed to a crawl.

Still, for a summer season in which I have yet to see a single interesting drama--Oh nooooooo! What am I to do?--I will keep my hopes up that the following 46-minute episodes will by as sharp and witty as it promises to be.

Bowlingual

God love the Japanese. They come up with the craziest inventions, such as the Head Stabilizer for those who fall asleep on the train, or the Cuddle Pillow for the lonely among us. But I read that the toy company, Takara Tomy, is reintroducing its dog interpreter, the Bowlingual. This contraption claims to analyze a dogs bark and interpret its emotional state. This is rather ridiculous, as it would seem to me that most people can read the emotions of man's best friend relatively easily. A wagging tail is a happy dog, flattened ears is fear/aggression, a whimper suggests pain.

But then, you never know. I'm wondering if this electronic translator can interpret an elevated level of stress, such as in a lie detector. As an instructor, I come across my share of students who forget to do their home assignments. Indeed, I had one student who came home from Thanksgiving break swearing that the paper he wrote on his parents' computer--suggesting he didn't have the file to print--was destroyed by his dog. He even presented me with the shredded remnants of the paper he somehow saved from the jaws of his pet.

This old and tired excuse--my dog ate it--is seemingly effective because the only other witness to the crime is the perpetrator who cannot communicate the truth. But if this Bowlingual could somehow interpret Spot's emotions when confronted with the now unreadable shreds of evidence, well, Takara Tomy might have something that I might buy.

I was kinda confused at first. Ping wouldn't woudn't post to my status. Hmmm... Maybe now

I added ping.fm to see if I can actually post to different sites at once, so I'll be testing it throughout the weekend.

The other day, I wrote about my my eye surgery when I was in Japan. The Greatest_Pip left a comment that suggested that he thought my English was pretty good for a guy who had been in the US for 12 years--since 1996. Haha, I'd like to take a bow, but I had to tell him that basically my English is as good as anyone who was born, raised and educated in the US. Which elicited the following:

Wow, that's pretty awesome. How long did it take you to become fluent in Japanese? Do you already spend enough time in a week teaching Japanese to not want to give tips in your free time?

Actually, yes, I do spend a enough time in a week teaching. But tips on Xanga are free, mostly because they are not that big of a deal, are mostly common-sensical, and advice means nothing if the recipient won't heed it. I wish there was something magic potion, or a hidden incantation. But the bottom line is simple: passion, diligence and determination.

Of course, these three apply to anything you may endeavor to do, but with regard to Japanese, you have to have a passion for the language. It is fun enough, and today maybe even cool enough, to dabble in it. Anime and Wii has ensured the Japanese language a place in the hierarchy of US pop culture. The title sensei, which some whom I have met here on Xanga call me--oh I miss ya' SleepingCutie!--is fairly ubiquitous. But I was shocked that many knew the word tanuki (badger-dog) from a game--was it Mario? But a passion for anime or games does not equal a passion for Japanese language. It is not as hard most people will have you believe, but it is significantly different enough to make people throw their hands in the air in frustration. So it takes a passion for the language to compel to to continue where others have given up. I love Japanese. The language is, to me, sonorous and expressive. And so contextual. Sometimes all you have to say is are (that), and the listener will know exactly what you mean. Or you can say, in the appropriate context, Watashi wa hanba-ga- desu (I am a hamburger), and the person taking your order will say thank you for your order without a snicker. I find these situations interesting and compelling, which stokes my passion for the language.

Now I said that it is not as hard as some make it out to be, but that means it isn't complicated. It doesn't mean you don't have to study, or that you'll pick it up eventually just by living in Japan. It takes study. And lots of it. Kanji is a good example. One character can have one meaning but different readings depending on its context. 女 (woman) has a Japanese reading, onna, which is simply the application of the indigenous pronunciation of the concept to the written term imported from China. When paired with other kanji to represent concepts imported from China, it can be read differently, as in 女性 josei (female) and 女房 nyoubou (wife, lady),  The different pronunciations are simply a reflection of when these terms were imported to Japan, i.e. which Chinese Dynasty. The fact that there are different pronunciations is a cultural-historical phenomenon, and one simply needs to memorize the different words. And memorization is not complicated; it's just a matter of diligence. Some may find the idea of different pronunciations depending on context to be ridiculous, but it is no different in English. Take the string of roman letters: "ough".  If you place different consonants around it, you get a different pronunciation for "ough"--cough, dough, though, thought, through. I think Ricky Ricardo had a hell of a time with this in I Love Lucy. He just had to memorize the different pronunciations.

Finally, there is determination, which is in many ways a compbination of the first two. You simply can't give up. You have to be determined to learn this. And you have to understand that this is a lifelong love affair. I have been  studying Japanese for over 35 years, and I'm still studying. Am I fluent. I guess sorta, but I don't know what fluent really means. Japanese is simply too vast and too deep to master completely. Even the Japanese haven't mastered it. Come to think of it, I know a lot of Americans who have yet to master English. I'd bet you've met some, too.

There are strategies to implement that could ensure retention and mastery of the different aspects of Japanese learing, but that will be for another day, if there is any interest. Just make sure you bring your checkbook. J/K J/K J/K...

Query: So how many of you knew what a tanuki is?

Back in the '70s, my friends and I used to enjoy the comedy of George Carlin, who died of heart failure on Sunday, June 22. He was irreverent and represented a lot of what we thought back then.

He started out as a coat and tie comedian in the '60s, appearing on such fair as The Ed Sullivan Show. He was not run-of-the-mill but he didn't really stand out either. One of the characters he would play in his routine was the Hippy Dippy Weatherman.

"Tonight's forecast: Dark. Continued dark tonight, turning to partly light in the morning."

Fair warning: The content in the links and text below may contain offensive language... which is what made it all the more fun back in the '70s.

The weatherman was mildly amusing, and typified most of his early routines. But in the '70s, Carlin shed his coat and tie and seemed to take on the persona of the Hippy Dippy Weatherman --long hair and beard--except the new weatherman was less wasted, was more socially opinionated and conveyed a political consciousness that stood up to the establishment, left or right. As a result, many of his routines were considered too radical, and certainly too hardcore for main stream media. He critiqued society, especially American society for it obsessions, such as its fear of germs: "In prison, before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol!" And he also pointed out that eating unhealthily leads to overweight people: "Huge piles of redundant protoplasm." He was over the top and his humor was very crude, usually insulting large sectors of society while he was at it.

But above all, Carlin was a word-meister, and he was most amusing when he talked about language and how some of it is too politically correct or simply didn't make sense, like legally drunk: "Well if its legal, what's the fuckin' problem? Leave my friend alone, officer. He's legally drunk!" But he was most famous for the Seven dirty words you can't say on TV: Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, tits. He later added three more: fart, turd and twat. He talked about the hypocrisy of these TV standards. According to Carlin: Even kids know what a "fart" is--taking a shit without the mess--but you couldn't use the word on TV. But you could use the word "prick" because it was only a part-time dirty word; you could prick your finger, just don't finger your prick.

His routines were not for the fainthearted or holier-than-thou crowd, but his humor, in many cases, was simply an expression of a lot of things we had thought of before with new twists, which is what made it so funny. Sadly, the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts in DC announced on June 18, four days before he died, that they would award Carlin the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor in November. I'm sorry that this award will be awarded posthumously.  

I wrote the other day about how I love to watch political talk shows. One of my favorites was Meet the Press on NBC Sunday mornings. During the 80s, I usually surfed between the shows on the three national broadcast networks--Face the Nation, This Week, and Meet the Press--but after I cam back from Japan in 1996, I watched Meet the Press exclusively because of the moderator, Tim Russert.

Moderators usually have to be pretty sharp about politics and people like David Brinkley were, although their delivery could be a little egg-headed at times. Others, such as the Mclaughlin Group was interesting, but it was often contentious, with everyone yelling at each other. Tim Russert always hit the right note. He was down to earth, and spoke in a way that was always understandable. He was from Buffalo, NY, raised in a family of modest means, and loved sports. He was the average Joe. He was also very tough, especially in his interviews. He would put on the screen a quote attributed to the guest, read out loud, and then confront the guest: "Do you still believe this" or "Could you explain what you meant by this?" But he never yelled or seemed disrespectful. He was simply hardcore, not allowing a politician slide by with non-answers.

Well, this moderator for whom I have much respect died of a heart attack on Friday. This was very hard to believe. I had just seen him last Sunday on the air. He seemed perfectly fine. And he was only 58 years old. By all accounts, he was healthy, and even passed a stress test on his heart this past April with flying colors. Apparently, what happened was that cholesterol plaque that had built up in his artery ruptured and clotted his artery, stopping the flow of blood to his heart completely. From what I heard on TV, this is the worst kind of heart attack possible. Even when witnessed by emergency specialists, this kind of heart attack has only a 5% survival rate. That was an eye opener to me. I mean, you could get this kind of heart attack in a hospital, and your chances of survival would be low.

This reminds me of all the unhealthy things I've done in my lifetime--smoking for 30 years, eating unhealthy snacks and fast food, etc.--and compels me to consider my own mortality. Could I have built up enough plaque in my arteries over the years to kill myself if they ever ruptured? From what I know, there is really no drug to dissolve or reverse the build up already there. Kinda scary.

In any event, I looked forward to Meet the Press every Sunday, as well as to his comments and coverage of the presidential campaign this year almost every Tuesday on MSNBC. I will miss him greatly.

It's been truly crazy weather of late. Tornados in the flatlands of middle America. Snow in the Rockies. Floods in the upper Midwest. Yesterday I jogged in the stifling heat--over 95 degrees. It's been at least 10 degrees higher than the seasonal average since Friday. But at least the heat isn't destructive, and as a SoCal boy, the heat is something I can deal with. I have learned to deal with the humidity as well, thanks to living in Japan for a number of years.

So yesterday, as I jog through a local park near our home in northern Virginia, I passed a "public house" there. No, it's not a beer joint, but a county-owned facility that residences can rent for events such as weddings. It is also the local precinct polling location. And yesterday, Virginia held its primary for congressional seats.

The seat up for grabs is Virginia's US House of Representatives, 11th District. It is the seat that Tom Davis (R) holds. Yes, the honorable Tom Davis whose office helped us with M's permanent residency. As I believe most of you know, I am no dyed-in-the-wool liberal, but I tend to lean a little left of center politically. Still, Tom Davis did me right and I would have voted for him, if he was running for re-election. But he is not.

Anyway, as I was running/walking by the public house, I noticed the sign "vote here". I had forgotten it was election day. So after I returned home, I showered, did a bit of work and then set out to vote around 6 PM. There was virtually no one there, so fulfilling my civic duty was pretty painless. I then headed for a local watering hole called Famous Dave's on Chain Bridge Road. It has pretty good ribs but that's not why I went. I needed to whet my whistle after four consecutive days of running outside at least one hour each day.

There, I saw the regulars--Matt, the bartender, Gary and his girlfriend Debbie, and a few others. After my third beer, we begin to hear thunder. Oh crap, another summer thunderstorm. These are fairly common, actually, but can scare the shit out of me. We debated about which is the scariest natural phenomenon. I insist its thunder, because even though it's random, you can't escape it if it has your name on it. The others blanch when I tell them that an earthquake is no big a deal--I've been through many, including the Sylmar quake of 1971 and the big one in San Francisco in 1989. I'd rather be in the middle of an earthqhake than be struck by lightening. Then suddenly someone said, Tornado.

"What?" we all looked out the window. "There's no tornado," we laughed. But we did see hail falling from the sky and getting larger right before our eyes.

"Doesn't it hail when a tornado appears?" someone nervously suggested.

".........."

Well, it hailed for about fifteen minutes, getting as large as small walnuts at one point. But it ultimately subsided with no sign of a tornado. Whew...

This weather is crazy. I mean, 95-plus degrees in the afternoon and hail in the early evening? How illogical is that? Is this a by product of global warming? The thought of a dented up car crossed my mind, but when I checked it out later, there didn't seem to be any damage. Fortunately, the thunderstorm was just another freaky summer storm in a summer of unfortunately freaky weather everywhere else.

Yesterday, I wrote about interpreting for Musubichan--protected post: Whonose, you are on my protected list. (If you re a regular reader and a subscriber, leave me a message telling me you want to be added. I think you have to be a Xanga member.)--but I moved the comment here.

I had the chance to hone my interpreting skills. Musubichan had not watched Heroes last season, so we watched a few episodes. Unfortunately, there are no subtitles so I am doing simultaneous translation for three hours straight on Friday and Sunday. I love my wife, but I swear, I am exhausted. Watching TV was not so relaxing.

Well, KENSHIRO commented:

I don't understand -- perhaps I haven't been reading your blog long enough, or I've missed a detail somewhere (probably the latter), but does M understand English? I don't understand why you had to interpret Heroes.

This is a perfectly legitimate comment, I think. Firstly, Kenshiro has been a reader for quite a while--Thanks for being so loyal. So perhaps you may have missed a detail, but then, maybe I haven't really written about it as it is rarely germaine to my ramblings. Anyway, Musubichan's English is not very good. She tries hard and she can comprehend much more than she used to. But TV shows and movies can be difficult to understand. They speak at regular speed and do not wait for the listener to respond. So I end up interpretting.

Now this has nothing to do with M's intelligence or effort. I'm not sure what it is, but many Japanese are simply unable to master English. I know a ton of them. My mother never really mastered English. Nor did most of my relatives who came to the US after they became adults. Of course, this is not for all Japanese. Most Japanese who have gone to school in the US have mastered a level of English, but I've known more than a couple of graduate students who could understand English in their respective fields but significantly less--speaking or listening--in conversations that deviate from their speciatly.

M didn't go to a college in the US and her first extended stay in the US was after she married me, and she was already 40. I don't know what it is. I can't explain it. I know a lot of people who go to foreign lands and master the language to a degree, but for some reason, English for Japanese is a tough nut to crack.

Anybody have a familiar experience? Or know the reason for this?

Okay, this is my first VOX entry. As if i didn'thave enough blogs... Let's see now. I started at Xanga, made about three more blogs on Xanga, including Musubichan, Jakuren and another secret one where i vent my anger. I also have a few accounts at Blogspot, and one at Live Journal. I even have dead accounts at MyDiary and Tabula (sp?)...

You'd think I was addicted, and i was for a while, but i have a new addiction that is keeping me from writing as i should.... J-dorama. Fuck! I consumes all my time and i have precious little of it as it is. Oh well.

I set this account up because a student on mine sent me an invitation and I thought I'd smear my spit on it--in Japanese that would be 唾をつける, which is similar to wild animals pissing on the edge of what they consider to be their territory. I am possessive fo my screen name and it bugs me when I see Onigiriman being used by others. How dare they!

Anyway, I don't know how much longer I'll be here, probably not long...